I am a huge advocate for ‘gentle’ parenting and made a whole career out of teaching these methods. I used this approach with the 100’s of children I taught, raising my own 4 and teaching 10,000’s of parents positive parenting skills.
Kathrarine Birbalsingh may have a reputation for being Britain’s ‘strictest head teacher’ and her school may get top exam results. BUT I honestly don’t believe that an authoritarian approach gets the best results in life.
She is quoted as saying “When it comes to tantrums and teaching them right from wrong….it will be very much about understanding the child, communicating with the child’s needs.”
🙋🏻♀️……and what on earth is wrong with that? We all benefit from relationships where we feel heard and understood, including in the workplace.
So what are the key elements of ‘gentle parenting’?
💜Empathy
💜Respect
💜Understanding
💜Boundaries
💜Focus on internal motivation rather than external pressures
💜Compassion & validation
💜Focus on self-awareness & emotional regulation
Perhaps, Birbalsingh is confusing gentle parenting with ‘permissive’ which I would agree doesn’t work.
This is where parents are very warm and responsive but don’t set clear boundaries. They are overinvolved, overprotective and not actually in charge. This can rob children of developing resilience independence and self-discipline.
Parents absolutely should teach their children right from wrong and set clear boundaries.
She goes on to lament that parents are not able to “take ownership of their own child.”
Ownership? This old fashioned ‘authoritarian’ parenting style based on fear and punishment with high expectations and demanding compliance can lead to resentment and rebelliousness. It can impact children’s self-esteem and sense of control, so they don’t take responsibility for their own behaviour.
One thing we do agree on is “the culture needs to be one of learning all the time.” Parents are a child’s first and most important teacher. You can’t sit back and rely on school to teach everything.
What parenting style have you adopted and how’s it going?
Authoritarian?
Authoritative? (gentle, positive)
Or
Permissive?
Truth is most of us dip in and out of all these styles.
Do you think ‘Middle classes are running parenting’
These comments received a lot of press and I called into LBC to join Nick Ferrari in conversation on the topic of parenting styles.
Nick asked:
“Your teenage son or daughter brings their rugby boots through the hallway putting mud on the carpet and up the stairs. What happens then?”
This was the question Nick Ferrari posed to me on LBC.
How would you respond?
👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻do you agree with my response?
(This was part of a wider conversation about effective discipline on the back of comments made by UK’s strictest headteacher that ‘gentle’ parenting methods means parents have lost authority.)
I then was invited back on LBC to directly ask Katharine Birbalsingh a question on Nick Ferrari’s show.
I have huge respect for what she has achieved at Michaela Community School but still maintain that in the long run a very strict, authoritarian style does not nurture intrinsic motivation, independence and strong self-esteem.
How does your children’s school approach discipline?
What works or doesn’t work?