Category Archives: Holidays

Making the Most of the Summer Holidays

How are you feeling about the long stretch of Summer holidays with children off school?
We have already spent an inordinate amount of time with our children between home schooling and bubbles being sent home!!

I normally really use the summer to get a change of scenery, re-energise and slow down with work.  Yet this year with everything being so uncertain, I have no plans to go anywhere and it’s going to be hard to really switch off at home and set myself firm boundaries.

I was going to write about all the fun things you can do with your kids over the holidays but I feel like I am running out of steam and inspiration!!!

I also don’t want to give anyone in my audience any added pressure.  
We need to step back and try and give ourselves a breather to just feel present with our families, before the transition to hybrid working.

In this short video, I share some practical, realistic tools to make the most of the summer holidays

Making the most of the holidays

What a year, especially for parents. 
Our lives have been turned upside down.

We may have spent a lot of time feeling stressed and overwhelmed, manging online schooling and this past term having our kids in and out of school like yoyos.  We have had to constantly pivot and adjust to change.  Maybe you’re drowning in parental guilt about the amount of time kids spend on screens, or maybe you are just too tired to care anymore!

With any large scale Christmas celebrations cancelled, this holiday season actually gives us an incredible opportunity to just be present and really connect with our children.  (Of course I appreciate that some of you may not live with your children.)

As we reflect on 2020, there are moments worth celebrating and there is hope.

This holiday is a precious opportunity to put yourselves and your family first.  There is no pressure to go anywhere, see anyone, or do anything.  You have been given a chance to press pause. There may not be the same amount of excitement and stimulation as usual but many children will actually really benefit from that.

Your children do not need their lives to be Instagram perfect but they do depend on you to regulate their environment.  You set the tone and be aware that they will mirror your emotions.

  • Drop any idea of perfection, it gets in the way of real love
  • Have realistic expectations
  • Say no to things you don’t want to do (that includes ironing)
  • Don’t forget to take care of yourself and recognise when you need a ‘time out’
  • Don’t compare yourself or your family to anyone else
  • Appreciate and notice what is going well, rather than focusing on what isn’t
  • Practice gratitude
  • Love = Time so be fully present

Wishing you a calm, peaceful and meaningful holiday season.

If you really want to re-set and learn some practical tools for creating a calmer, more connected family environment, my next remote evening parenting course starts on 11th January.

See you on the other side.

Support Your Child Through Holiday Stress

It’s December. It’s time for holidays. No matter how or if you worship, or what you believe, this month is supposed to be a time for celebration and fun for children. As adults, we see their schedules change as they have activities and events that are designed to help them celebrate the festive nature of the season. Allow me to be clear here: This is not a bad thing. However, it does bring about a different type of stress that needs to be acknowledged and supported.

We know that children thrive with structure and consistency. Boundaries and predictability allow children to relax into a framework for learning by allowing them to find a rhythm for their day. This time of year provides a new learning opportunity for our children. How do we cope when the rhythm changes? How do we follow the rules in new environments? How do we feel joy and excitement without becoming disruptive or out of control?

Here are some tips for supporting children during December so that they can relax and enjoy all of the fun activities made available to them whilst continuing to abide by the rules and expectations they need to follow every day.

Prepare Them for Changes

One of the mantras of every parent should be “Preparation over Intervention”. Speak to your child every morning about what their day might look like. They will already be a bit anxious due to the lack of structure in their day. Anxious feelings can easily turn into actual anxiety or excitement. Remind them that anxiety is just excitement without the breath. Take deep breaths together and help them look forward to their day.

Children may have: extra winter parties for their clubs, the end of term for a club before the school term is over, baby sitters coming over so you can attend events, extra visits from family etc. Do your best to keep children informed. Children may find it difficult to let you leave for a party when they only have 5 minutes notice. However, they will find it easier to let you leave if they can get excited about who will be caring for them that evening.

Be Ready and Check the HEAT

I was once told to always check the HEAT before speaking with anyone. This means, never try to engage in meaningful conversation with someone who is Hungry, Emotional, Angry or Tired. These are under resourced states. Have healthy snacks available to help fuel your child. This time of year is often filled with lots of sugar. Keeping it as healthy as possible at home will counter balance the negative effects. If they are angry or emotional, take time to turn towards them and coach them through coping with these emotions. Finally, the days will be long with little sunlight. Make sure they are getting enough sleep. Our bodies naturally want to get more sleep in the winter. Work with this and encourage down time and bed times. This will make sure they have enough charge to run through busy days.

Be Ready for Feelings

You know how children always have the ability to clearly define that they are tired and need a break? Neither do I. Most children will assume that they are feeling something other than tired. This time of year, kids are exhausted and feelings are raw. Allow them to identify what they believe is bothering them. This is a great time to learn emotional vocabulary. As an outside observer, you may know beyond a shadow of a doubt that all your child needs is a good night’s sleep. However, if they need you to understand that the green jumper is the real reason they are angry and that they are definitely not tired, it’s ok. You can always process the next day if you feel the need. Again, use the emotion coaching skills to get through this. Feelings are temporary as are December stresses. 

Respect Your Child’s Boundaries

We know that our family love and cherish our children. Extended family that do not see them very often want to shower them with affection. This can be an amazing space for your child to start to learn about body boundaries. If a child does not like to be kissed or touched, respect this. My body, my rules is a value that cannot be learned soon enough. Give your child alternatives like high fives, fist bumps or side hugs. This way, they show affection without feeling like an adult has the right to make them feel uncomfortable in their body.

 Many of our children sing or dance. It can be very tempting to turn them into our exhibition to prove our family has talent. Encourage them to share this talent. If they are merely being a little shy, offer to sing or dance with them. However, if you hear an adamant no about singing or dancing in front of others, respect this. The fear of being judged has made too many children quit before discovering talents. Alternatively, they can practice a piece before hand to perform for eager grandparents. Preparation makes them feel less on the spot and more willing to share.

Watch Your Special Needs Children

Children with special needs often struggle with emotional regulation around change at the best of times. This can be a very difficult time for them. At home, be prepared for meltdowns and remember that they are not tantrums. It may be tough and that’s ok. Just remember that it is never personal. Take a step back and do your best to anticipate the needs of your child. Do your best to make home as regular and consistent as possible to have a place to alleviate the stress of the changes. Also, try to limit disruptions as much as possible by grouping family visits. Too many new environments may make your child over stimulated. Always provide a de-stimming space after any event. This will help both of you shake off the day and come back to centre.

This time of year is to be enjoyed and shared. There are some times when it is stressful as a parent to help regulate your child’s emotions. However, with the right preparation and interventions, you will be able to maximise the fun and minimise the stress for the entire family.

Making the most of holidays with kids

Relationship and connection

The summer holidays are something many families really look forward to but they can end up being very stressful. If you are working it is difficult to organise extra child care and make sure the kids are occupied. If you have booked to go away, there can be considerable added pressure to ensure that (having taken time off and spending money on the holiday) you are ‘really enjoying ‘yourselves.

The reality is that holidays often don’t go as planned. If you are travelling with young children, you may find they behave better and are much easier to handle when they are at home in familiar surroundings, following their usual routine. All the late nights and excitement triggered by a holiday, need to have an outlet. Teens can also be difficult if they prefer to stay glued to their screens, seem disengaged with the family and complain they are bored and want to be with their friends. Social media has of course now added another dimension to the holiday. You and your children may feel pressure to post photos of what a wonderful time you are having and all the fascinating places you are visiting.

Don’t get me wrong, I love family holidays and don’t want to paint a depressing picture. However, I’m just trying to be realistic! Making the most of your time together, means that you have to consciously plan to be mindful and truly be in the moment. The truth is that whatever you are doing or wherever you are going is not what really matters to your child. They don’t need to be going to Disney land or Vietnam to enjoy themselves. These kind of holidays with very packed schedules, racing around trying to see everything can result in everybody being in a bad mood. I have experienced this myself with my family!!

From when your child is born till they officially become an adult is only 18 summers and they speed by at a rapid rate. Focus on spending meaningful time with your family creating memorable moments, not with a focus on activity but a focus on connection. Children love holidays because parents are usually more fun, relaxed and emotionally available. You just need to be together in a good mood. Favourite memories could be free and simple, like playing a made up game or lying on the beach at night staring at the stars. A family could spend thousands of pounds on an exotic holiday but the family who are hanging out in the local park may be ‘happier’. Being happy is far more closely linked to good relationships than money.

Kids and adults need downtime just to snuggle and do whatever relaxes them. Take advantage to spend uninterrupted time with each child every day so you can really connect. What your child of any age needs most is to feel loved, heard and truly understood.